So Many Decisions!

Okay...I have discovered that this adoption process involves a TON of decisions. I knew it would be complicated, but I thought some of these decisions would be A LOT simpler. Instead, I am left with a whole new list of questions.

First of all, we do know a few things. We know we want to adopt a newborn domestically. We know that for our first adoption we would like a Caucasian baby (we are thinking that we may adopt internationally for subsequent adoptions). Most likely we will use an agency of some sort. We also know that we are only willing to be so "open" with our adoption (willing to send pictures and letters/e-mails, not so willing to have the birthmother/family stop by or attend family gatherings).

Our largest question right now is the agency. Which is the right agency? Is there one in Toledo or will we need to travel to find one? What questions should we ask to make sure the agency is right for us?

I am so confused. I began reading books today to help answer some of these questions but, like the internet sites I've been reading, they are only presenting more questions.

Please keep Jeromy and I in your prayers as we move through this process. It is very complicated and overwhelming.

Pictures from Vacation

Above: Me Standing on the Catamaran in Grand Cayman. Below: Jeromy and me enjoying the stingrays on the sandbar.

Below: Jeromy standing in front of the Pee Pee Station. A store in Cozumel where our jeep tour stopped.

Above: Me laying on the bed of our stateroom with one of the "towel animals" that our cabin steward made.

A Great Vacation!

Jeromy had the great idea while on vacation that I should write down some things that I could post on this blog when I got home. I thought it was a great idea, so here it goes...

It is currently Friday (April 13), the final day of our cruise aboard the M/S Inspiration. It has been a marvelous trip. We left on Monday (April 9) from Tampa, FL. The weather was troublesome. It was cold, windy, and rainy.

That all changed on Tuesday. It was a day at sea and BEAUTIFUL weather! We enjoyed a time of relaxation and some of the activities on board ship. Unfortunately, Jeromy started to feel ill by lunch time (we're not sure what was wrong, but his stomach hurt). That night was formal night for dinner. We did get all dressed up and managed to get our picture taken. But, by the time we arrived at the dinner, Jeromy was very sick. We wended up not staying for dinner, Jeromy was very sick. We ended up not staying for dinner. We went back to our room to change and then he went right to sleep. I went up to the informal buffet to get something to eat. Not much was going on around the ship (at least nothing I wanted to do by myself), so I returned to the room to read and watch a little t.v.

Thankfully, on Wednesday morning Jeromy was feeling better! This was our first port day at Grand Cayman. In our nerdy way, we were even more excited to be there when we learned it was originally called Tortuga (any Pirates of the Caribbean fans?). Anyways, we went on a Catamaran tour to a sandbar where we were able to swim with stingrays. I was a bit nervous about the whole thing. This was such a great day! The water was blue and clear, very beautiful. One thing did almost ruin our day...when we returned to the pier there was a very long line waiting to take the tender back to the ship. It seems the waves were remarkably bad and they were having difficulties docking the tenders to the ship. They ended up moving the ship to use the other ships to help block the wind and waves (this freaked out a lot of people who thought the ship was leaving. Pretty funny to see!). We ended up waiting 2 1/2 hours in the hot Caribbean sun for a tender. Needless to say we were burnt! (Yes, we used sunscreen!) Once we returned we got dressed and went to grab a snack from the buffet. We then took a nap (we were exhausted from the sun and not feeling well). Not much happened after that. We went to the show (a magician and comedian) and to dinner. Once again, we retired early (the sun had really done us in).

On Thursday, we found ourselves in Cozumel, Mexico. We had an awesome shore excursion where we "jeeped" around the island, snorkeled, shopped, spent time at the beach, and enjoyed a wonderful Mexican buffet. It was beautiful weather and very enjoyable! We returned tot he ship via tender (no issues this time) and showered and dressed. We enjoyed some on board ship activities (Battle of the Sexes and Country Line Dancing Lessons) and attended the Talent Show. We played some cards and went to bed some time after midnight.

This brings us to today, Friday. We are simply relaxing and enjoying ourselves around the ship. We are not going to lay out because we are both fried from Grand Cayman. We are sad that today will be our last day. It is actually quite depressing. I can't believe Spring Break is almost over! I have not thought about school all week. It has been refreshing! This is one vacation where you can actually say you are relaxed when you return!

A Big Decision...

Jeromy and I made a huge decision last night. We are going to begin looking into adoption. We have decided that we are going to stop the infertility treatments. Before you ask why we are stopping treatment, I will tell you. We can not save money for an adoption (which, if you don't know, is very expensive) if we are spending over $600 a month on fertility medications.

We have both spent a considerable amount of time praying about this and feel this is what God wants us to do. I have been hesitate to admit it because I feel as if I am giving up. But, Jeromy says that he never believed that we needed the medication to get pregnant. He says that if God wants us to get pregnant He can make it possible. Jeromy's main reason is that he doesn't like to see me cry (which, most of you know, happens a lot).

I guess our prayer will now need to change to one for guidance as we look into what our next step will be.

One last thing...(I know the question is coming)...we are planning on a domestic adoption at this time. We are hoping to adopt from a birthmother where we will be able to take the baby home directly from the hospital. So, I guess we need to start looking into agencies.

Please keep us in your prayers.

Very Moving

I found this poem while surfing the internet. It made me cry because it is so true.

Empty Womb

I had a certain picture

Of how my life would be.

But I forgot to ask my Lord

What He had planned for me.

Just one life to fill my womb,

All my dreams leaned toward.

But idle waiting no one serves,

And least of all, the Lord.

How precious still the things I have

I'd somehow lost sight of,

God did whisper to my heart,

"Hold dear those things I love."

My heart did break to let it go,

This certain path I'd planned.

But in its place, He gave me life

New purpose from His hand.

When it seems that hope is lost,

The Quiet too much to bear,

He comes to me and comforts me

And says, "Child, I'm still here."

He wipes the flood of tears away,

Brings newness to my soul.

Then takes away the shame I feel

And somehow makes me whole.

Never have I walked so close

That I could call Him "Friend."

He drew me nigh, right to His heart

And let me glimpse within.

I thank the Lord for emptiness

Where life still does not grow

For oft' His richest blessing,

On the surface, does not show.

He may return what I've let go,

Or just want me to see:

"You may not have just what you want,

But always, you'll have Me."

Relay for Life

This year my church is putting together a team for the Oregon Relay for Life (actually its my cell group, Mod Squad, but we thought it would be more fun if we got more people involved. If you are from church and haven't heard anything, keep your eyes peeled). Anyways, Relay for Life benefits the American Cancer Society. It is being held on June 15 & 16 at Clay High School. Our team needs to have someone on the track for the entire relay (that includes over night!). We will have a campsite on the football field and I believe it is going to be a lot of fun!

If you are interested in sponsoring me, go to the following website: www.acsevents.org/relay/Oregon. Then, click on Sponsor Participant and then enter my name. It would be greatly appreciated. My goal on my website is only $100, but I would actually love to raise more. Also, if you are interested in participating in the relay and do not go to the church, contact me and I'll see what I can do.

This has got to be one of the greatest ways to raise money for a good cause!

Simple Thoughts...

Okay, I just had a few thoughts that I wanted to get down:

1) There are only 5 days left of school until Spring Break! Actually, 4 if I don't count next Thursday. On that day we are having a two hour delay for teacher meetings in the morning and we have an assembly (Eagle Idol) in the afternoon. Because of all this disruption we are only have 20 minutes of 1st period (my planning period) and then the 3 lunch class periods. The countdown has begun (actually it began over a week ago).

2) I am very frustrated about something right now (I'm not going into details here, ask in person if interested). I've just decided that when you know too much about things it causes too many ripples in your life. I have decided that I would rather go back to the days when I knew nothing. I was happier then. I always thought that your life would go smoothly if you listened to God and followed what He told me to do. Obviously, I was listening to the wrong person.

3) I am so excited for my friend Michelle. She has a date tonight with a very nice guy! I hope things work out. Keep your fingers cross!

4) On the fertility side of life, if treatments don't work this month (don't get mad Jeromy, I'm positive thinking...it's going to work!), we will not be doing treatments next month because of the cruise. The timing is just off. If we do treatments, we will be gone the week that I need to go in for all the ultrasounds. Let's just keep praying that this month is a success!

That's all for my simple thoughts for now. Jeromy called from work and distracted me (yes, my mind is now blank). Until next time....

The Waiting Game...Again

Once again, we are at the time of the month where we must sit and wait. This has to be the most stressful time of the month! I almost can't stand it.

On a lighter note, Jeromy and I will be going on our cruise in a couple of weeks. I can't wait! We are going to have soooo much fun. Just in case you don't know, Jeromy and I are taking a 5 day cruise aboard Carnival ships. We are leaving the day after Easter. Our cruise leaves out of Tampa and stops in both Cozumel and the Cayman Islands. I am looking forward to the sun, warmth, and spending time with Jeromy.

I have to admit, it makes this time of waiting a little easier having something to look forward to.

Another Update on Kelly

Kelly received the results of her MRI yesterday. Thankfully, she does not have an aneurysm. However, they are still unclear as to why she is having such bad migraines. Her doctor gave her the names of a couple neurologists that she would like Kelly to see. Kelly is supposed to see one of them to get a migraine work-up.

Keep praying for her as she is still having a headache over a week later. I can't imagine having a headache (let alone a migraine) for over a week!

Update on Kelly

No real news yet. However, yesterday my mom took her to get her MRI done. I was home sick so I was able to watch the kids so they didn't have to take them to the appointment. She has not heard anything yet, but Jeromy says that she will probably not hear anything until the middle of next week. Until then, she is patiently waiting. However, she still has a headache after almost an entire week. Please continue to pray for her and the kids (it has been a very stressful week for them as well).

My Sister Kelly

Many of you know my sister Kelly. She has been having some physical issues lately. She has essentially had an intense migraine since Monday. Monny, her husband, took her to the ER at St. Luke's on Monday and they did a CT scan and injected her with medicine. Yesterday, she went to the ER at St. V's. While there, they did a spinal tap on her. By doing this, they were able to rule out meningitis and a possible burst brain aneurysm. There is still a slight concern that she has an aneurysm so they want her to get a MRI done within the week. Everyone please be in prayer that the doctors will discover what is wrong with her and will be able to treat it.

...and the Month Goes On...

I heard from the fertility doctor's office yesterday afternoon. They had received the results from my blood test and my estrogen and progeterone levels were exactly where he wanted to see them. They told me to keep my injections at 3 ampules a day. I have another appointment with him on Saturday morning. Jeromy is going to go with me to the appointment. He is going to ask the doctor all the questions that I have. I believe that it will be easier for him to ask the questions because I tend to be too emotional at times.

I would like to find out the doctor's opinion about how likely these treatments are going to work. Also, what his time line might be. I am interested in hearing his responses.

I am feeling more and more like God is leading me towards adoption. I have absolutely no problem with adoption, but I also don't want to give up if He would have us continue trying. I guess I want to hear the doctor's opinion about how the treatments are going. I hope this doesn't mean that I don't have faith. I struggle with this all the time. We talked about this in our small group on Sunday. How do we know when God is answering our prayers? How do we know that what we hear is actually God talking to us? If I had the answers to these questions it would be so much more helpful.

Sick, sick, sick

This week has been extremely difficult. Not because of depression or anything else, but because I am SICK! The cold that I have been suffering through for two weeks has turned into something horrible! At church last night, I was completely miserable. I probably should have just stayed home. Well, that is what I did today. I felt horrible yesterday, so I took the day off today. I have been sleeping a lot and I am finally feeling better. Hopefully, I keep improving and will be able to go back to work tomorrow.

Another Month of Hoping

I don't really know where to start. Today I went to the fertility doctor for the first time since the "over-stim" in January. Last Wednesday I started taking the fertility drugs again. He started me out at the same dosage as in January (he simply planned on not giving me as much towards the end of the cycle). Today, was the appointment where he needed to decide where to take me with my medicine. The ultrasound showed about four eggs that looked very promising. Luckily, there were not as many as there were at this point in January. As a result, he felt safe in raising my medication 1/2 an ampule. Tomorrow before going into work, he would like me to have a blood test to get a reading on my estrogen levels. He will use the results of the test to determine the amount of medication I will use for the rest of the week. He is hoping that everything will continue on the path it is on and that I will ovulate on Saturday.

Let's all keep our fingers crossed.

Great Times with Friends!

This weekend was a refreshing time with friends. Saturday night, my friend Jen had invited a group of us over for fun and games. I have not laughed so hard in a long time! We all just had a great time. On Sunday night, our small group came over as usual but for a change of pace we played Texas Hold 'em. We had so much fun! I didn't win (Michelle did - I think she cheated. Just kidding, Michelle). I think everyone had a great time getting to know one another better.

I just love weekends like these when I can just say that I had fun!