A New Adventure!

Ok, I will start by saying that this is the first time I have ever done anything like a blog. I was actually inspired by some of my friends. They have blogs that chronicle important events in their lives (kind of like a journal type thing). That got me to thinking. I have a lot going on in my life right now that I would really like to write about so that in the future I can reflect on them.

I honestly don't believe that others will ever read this blog, but if you do, I hope you see not only the heartbreak that I have gone through but the happiness in which I find myself. I'm not saying that I don't have heartbreak currently in my life (I was crying only 2 hours ago), but I have come a long way through the help of God and my husband, Jeromy.

I guess I should reflect a little on the past so that if anyone is reading this they will know what I'm babbling about. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for almost 3 1/2 years. We started off on Clomid with guidance from my OB-GYN and had a miscarriage in November of 2003. Heartbreak episode number 1. If you have never lost a child or someone close to you, I believe it is impossible to understand the heartbreak that comes with a miscarriage. We had a couple of miscarriages throughout the next couple of years. In medical terms they are not considered miscarriages (I'm told they - the embryos- failed to emplant). However, when you get a positive pregnancy test and live with the happiness of finally being pregnant for a couple weeks it is heartbreaking when you begin to bleed.

Last year, in April 2006 we decided to give up on the Clomid and began to go to a fertility doctor. Since then, I have had to inject myself with HMG every month. In July of 2006, we received the news we were pregnant again. Then in the middle of August, we lost yet another baby. Once again...heartbreak. However, one good thing is that the fertility doctor ran me through a battery of tests and discovered that I have a disorder. I know...you don't normally hear someone say that they are glad they have a disorder, but this time it is a good thing. He discovered that I have a folic acid deficiency (abbreviation is MThF - don't ask me the actual name). Because of this deficiency it is quite possible that my body was not allowing our babies' hearts to grow. I currently am on A LOT of folic acid and will have to remain on it for the rest of my life, but the doctor believes this will prevent any future miscarriages.

Currently, Jeromy and I wait patiently to see if this month will be a success or if we will need to try yet again. The heartbreak is still there (along with fear and guilt about what I may have done to cause the miscarriages- irrational I know) but I have also found a place where I am content and happy. Jeromy and I have a wonderful life together. He is my best friend. The one person I can spend every waking moment with and never get sick of. I have a wonderful family (mom, sisters, niece, and nephew). Wonderful friends! I can even say I have a great job (even if it is incredibly stressful at times). I also serve a wonderful God! Honestly, I don't know how people get through times like these when they don't have God in their lives.

I hope this blog will help me to express the feelings that I experience as I go through this experience of trying to have a baby. I hope eventually this will turn into a story of expecting our first child (naturally or through adoption). I guess the true purpose of this blog is to remember. I want to remember how I feel and what I went through. Eventually, I would like to be able to say that this whole experience is far behind me (even though it will always be a part of me). I feel as if I am starting on a new adventure! I can't wait to see what is around the next corner.