I don't know what it is...but, each month I seem to battle against a little more depression. I find myself crying at odd moments and unable to explain to Jeromy the true cause of the tears. When I cry I try to hide it from him, but that is not always possible.
I don't know why I try to hide this from him. Jeromy is such a wonderful husband. Just this evening, he was such a comfort. He helps to keep my thoughts and trust focused on God. There are many times I just want to succumb to the fear, but he won't let me. I am so thankful for such a great husband.
My one wish...is that God would just tell us what His plans are. I know that is not how God works, but it would sure make my life a little more easier. Should we continue wasting money on the injections that I use each month? Should we try a new tactic? Should we give up on having a biological child and begin saving money for an adoption? I think it is the unknown that scares me so much. I don't know what to expect from one week to the next.
I don't even know if this post makes any sense. I'm tired. I have tears in my eyes once again and I have a headache (mainly due to crying). Well, in two days it will be February and currently I only have about 23 days to wait until I can start my new cycle of injections. It is going to be a long month.
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